


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by KeroZombie



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Acceptance, Christmas, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Misgendering, Suicidal Thoughts, Takeo loves his daughter very much, Trans Female Character, he doesn't call her by it, her deadname is referenced once, it only comes up once or twice in Takeo's memory, not even a spoiler, very briefly in one paragraph
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeroZombie/pseuds/KeroZombie
Summary: After his daughter died, Takeo swore off ever celebrating Christmas again. Little does he know that his daughter is determined to keep their festive tradition alive. With a lot of love in her heart and a little help from Saki, Lily pays her pappy a special visit, changing both their lives forever.
Relationships: Gou Takeo & Hoshikawa Lily, Hoshikawa Lily & Nikaidou Saki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	I'll Be Home For Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea sitting in my mind for over a year, and now FINALLY I've been able to write it!
> 
> Some notes!
> 
> 1) This isn't a dark story, but it has some emotional moments. There is a single reference to suicidal thoughts - I've put a bold asterisk * at the beginning of the paragraph that it's in, so you can avoid it if you need to. The reference comes near the end of the paragraph so as long you catch the asterisk you'll be fine.
> 
> 2) From all the info I could find, it's heavily implied that Lily and her dad lived in Saga City together, so that's where I've placed him now. I picked a spot as an exact location is (afaik) never given, but if it turns out that we now DO know an exact location for them, I apologise for missing it!
> 
> 3) Japanese Christmases are a bit different to those in the west. You mostly don't need to know anything beforehand, but I DO wanna tell you that it is 100% for real that eating KFC on xmas has now become a kind of tradition for a lot of families.
> 
> 4) This is set around the same time as the Arpino storyline, just after they get back from the mountains. I've fudged it a little and said that rather than having 9 days till the concert after their mountain trip, they now have two weeks. Otherwise everything else is as you expect.
> 
> 5) This story has a section in Takeo's perspective and a section in Lily's, just so you know!
> 
> And with that out of the way, I hope you all have a merry December :) I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Snow was falling on Saga City; in the empty fields, in the quiet back streets, dusting his car like a Christmas cake. His drive was already gone, invisible under a blanket of white. Takeo Go closed his curtains.

_I'll need to shovel that tomorrow…_

December used to be his favourite month of the year. As soon as the red leaves of autumn had passed, when all the trees were bare like hands clawing at the sky, his heart would overflow with childish excitement. He put decorations out on the very first day of December, every year without exception. His neighbours thought he was insane. Even the young couple across the road in their fancy European-style house didn't decorate for Christmas like he did. But he'd learned of the joy of Christmas. He'd learned of it from the TV, from all the American movies they played late at night, from the mountain of DVDs at his local 'Book-Off' store. Christmas wasn't just some holiday for couples. It was special. Magical.

He never got the chance to celebrate it with his wife. By the time he realised how wonderful December could be she'd already passed away. She died giving birth to their only child, the apple of his eye, Lily.

Lily had always been a strange child. She _hated_ having her hair cut, for starters. Whenever Takeo tried to cut it, Lily would cry and cry. She'd lock herself in her room for days, sometimes even refuse to eat. Takeo had never heard of anything like it. His coworkers' children didn't like haircuts either, but they didn't cry, and they certainly didn't refuse to eat in protest.

So Takeo stopped cutting his child's hair. He figured as Lily got older, she wouldn't mind having short hair so much.

How wrong he'd been.

It'd started in elementary school, almost immediately. Lily didn't want to wear a black randosel backpack like the other boys. She didn't like sports. She didn't like being called 'Masao-kun', and despite being such a sunny child at home, she didn't make _any_ friends in her first year at school. For her birthday she asked for princess dresses and magical girl toys, hair accessories and nail polish. She wanted pink bed covers and stuffed toys and she underlined in red ink the 'super duper cute bunny socks' that she wanted most of all. So of course, Takeo got her what she wanted. _It's just a phase_ , he thought with a smile, _Kids can be strange sometimes_. He had a strange child, he knew that, but she was _his_ child, the child of his beautiful, departed wife, and he would love that child no matter how strange she might be. But despite Takeo's good intentions, he _didn't_ understand. Only in hindsight did he realise just how much he'd missed.

It should've been clear from that winter, the winter of Lily's seventh birthday. It was late at night and Takeo was lying in bed, restless due to stress at work. He was under a lot of pressure to finish the latest construction project before the New Year's holiday. There was no way it was going to happen though. Not a chance. As those thoughts swirled around in his head he heard small footsteps in the hallway, followed by a slow, steady creak from his door. Suddenly a small hand grabbed his arm.

"Pappy," Lily said with a shaky voice.

"What is it son?" he asked the darkness.

For a moment they both remained silent. Takeo could feel that something big was coming. Then she said it:

"I don't wanna be Masao anymore."

Takeo loved his child, but he had absolutely no idea what she meant by that sentence.

"You don't like your name? It's a strong name, you know? A strong name for a strong boy-"

"No!" she yelled, "I don't want it! Please, Pappy, I don't wanna be Masao!"

"Okay, okay," he replied, stroking her fluffy hair, "You don't have to be Masao if you don't want."

"I want a pretty name."

"A pretty name, eh?"

"Like magical girls have."

He laughed softly, "You love those anime, don't you?"

Lily went quiet.

"Son?"

"Don't laugh…"

"I wasn't laughing at you, I promise," the bright lights of his neighbour's car shone through his thin curtains, "now come on, tell me the name you were thinking of. You were thinking of one, right?"

She came closer and leaned her head on the mattress, "I was thinking maybe… Lily."

Takeo stifled a yawn, "Lily… that's a pretty name."

Immediately Lily's voice brightened, "You think so?"

"Absolutely."

"So you'll call me it?"

"Hm?"

"You'll call me Lily from now on?"

Takeo didn't give it much thought. He figured it couldn't hurt.

"If that's what you want."

"It is," she replied immediately, her tiny voice full of determination.

"Okay then… _Lily_ , I think it's time you go back to bed."

"Thank you Pappy," she said, swinging her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek, "I love you."

"I love you too, now get some sleep."

From that day forth she refused to answer to any other name. For his part, Takeo kept his word, apart from a few slips here and there (always followed by grumpy pouting and an _insistence_ that 'I'm not Masao, I'm Lily'). After a few months he even changed her name with the school, albeit only informally, and he managed to somehow convince them to let her wear the girl's uniform. There were bullies of course, though they usually stopped when they saw the size of her father. It was a complicated situation, but Lily seemed satisfied, and so _he_ was satisfied too. It probably helped that he let her dress as she wished, and that he decorated her room in flowery pink colours and filled it with cute pillows and toys at her request. He got so used to treating her as his daughter that he almost stopped thinking of her as his son.

Almost…

But in the warm and fuzzy time between her change of name and him quitting his job to become her manager, he had no reason to worry. Those were good days, days spent laughing together, watching TV and playing games. Those were the days where he learned how joyful Christmas could be.

It started with a Christmas film. It was early December. He was up late on the weekend, enjoying some TV before bed when all of a sudden an American film came on. 'The Santa Clause', starring Tim Allen. He was curious, so he stayed on the channel. As the film wound through its introduction the door to the hallway behind him swung open. He looked over his shoulder to find his daughter standing there in her pyjamas, drowsily clutching a plushy to her chest.

"I can't sleep…" she yawned.

With a smile he patted the space beside him on the chair. Lily came over and sat down, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Just some American movie," he replied, trying to read the subtitles as quickly as he could.

"Why's it in English?"

"Only the big movies get dubbed in Japanese," he explained, stifling a yawn of his own, "this one's about Santa Klaus."

"That's the old man who brings presents, right?"

"That's the one."

On screen, Tim Allen stared up in horror as Santa fell from the roof of his house.

Lily gasped, "Pappy, is he… dead?"

"I… don't know…"

Takeo started to wonder if the film was appropriate for Lily, but with every scene he couldn't help but find himself more and more engrossed in the plot. Even Lily, who in her tiredness couldn't really keep up with the subtitles, was excited to see what happened next.

"Is he Santa now, Pappy?"

"Yes. He's become Santa. The little card, it-" he paused as he took in the fresh set of subtitles, "it uh, well it means he has to be Santa."

"Wow!"

And just like that they both stayed up well into the night, her asking questions every other scene, him translating as best he could. It was the most fun he'd had in years. He woke up for work the next day mere hours after falling asleep, but he didn't feel tired. No, he felt _determined_ , determined to extend the excitement he'd felt with Lily the night before. He knew what he had to do.

It was time to bring Christmas out of the screen, and into his house.

He didn't waste even a single second. As soon as he clocked out of work he drove to the nearest home store and asked about Christmas trees. He'd never seen the real thing around Saga, but that didn't mean someone hadn't made a synthetic one. Sure enough his hunch was right. They didn't have many, but the ones they did have looked just like the ones he'd seen on TV that night.

"I'll take it," he said, as he lifted the entire box with only one arm.

In the house the tree was just a bit smaller than him, about up to his chin. It needed lights and tinsel, but it was a start.

"Is that… a Christmas tree?" Lily asked when she saw it.

He laughed, "Well, you know, after that film last night I just thought… why not!"

She gave him an incredulous smile, "Oh Pappy, what am I gonna do with you!"

But as he started decorating it with colourful baubles and tinsel (dutifully bought from the Don Quixote over by Sunrise Park), even Lily began to get into the festive mood. From her vantage point on a little stepladder she gave pointers as he strung colourful paper chains along the walls. While he was off buying lights to decorate the outside of the house, she cut out paper snowflakes to stick to the windows. By the time they were done the house sparkled so brightly you could probably see it from space.

Lily examined their hard work proudly, "It looks just like the houses in that movie!"

Takeo wiped his brow, "All we need now is some snow."

And snow they got. It snowed so much overnight that the school _and_ his workplace both closed. So they stayed in together, huddled up on the couch in their tiny house. Luckily for them he'd already thought ahead and bought some Christmassy DVDs from a video store. They dimmed the lights, threw on some blankets to keep themselves warm, and went to town. They watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, The Polar Express. They also watched part of a documentary on the local winter produce of Saga prefecture before they realised what it was and turned it off.

Lily stood up and stretched her arms towards the ceiling, "I think that's enough TV for now, Pappy."

He started rolling up the blankets, "You're probably right."

But as she parked herself in the corner by the tree to read a book on the ins-and-outs of construction vehicles (an interest she'd picked up earlier in the year), Takeo just couldn't shake the glittering festive imagery of those movies out of his head. He thought of Lily surrounded by presents, smiling. He thought of her in one of those pretty dresses she liked so much. He could even get her some festive dresses.

 _I saw a few back in Don Quixote… he'd probably love one of those_ , he thought as he put the blankets away, … _I mean_ _ **she'd**_ _probably love one of those…_

Lily had been strict with him about pronouns just as she had with her name.

_Gotta make sure I get that right on the day._

Christmas Day, that is. After he made her cry with a 'To a special son' card on her birthday he swore to himself that he would never make that mistake _ever_ again…

_You shouldn't make promises you can't keep…_

Back in the present, Takeo stared at the framed picture of Lily resting on the little shrine at the far end of the living room. Her picture was beside his wife's now. They smiled at him from behind their frames as if they were together on some distant island, as if they might step out of the photos at any moment and into his arms.

But of course, they never would. He knew that.

He closed his eyes. The sound of Lily's laughter that first Christmas Day rang through his mind.

"Oh Pappy, it's beautiful!"

She pulled the dress out of the red, sparkly wrapping. The store clerk had helped him pick it out. It was long, flowing and just a little frilly, with a cream top and a midnight blue skirt. The skirt had little stars and moon shapes printed onto it. 'Like the sky at night', the clerk had said. The moment he saw it he knew he'd found the right one.

Lily smiled, the golden star in her hair twinkling under the Christmas tree lights, "I wanna try it on right now!"

Takeo sat himself down on the floor by the rest of the presents, "Go ahead! I'll be right here."

She ran off to her room. When she came back she did a little twirl in front of him, smiling, "Do I look cute? I look cute, right?"

"You're the cutest star in the sky!"

She dived into his chest and, wrapping her arms around his neck, gave him a soft peck on the cheek, "Thank you Pappy. I'm gonna wear this every day!"

He laughed, "I'm glad you like it, sweetheart."

Later that day he cooked a chicken dinner. It didn't turn out great; the chicken was dry and the stuffing was bland, so bland that Lily drowned the entire thing in ketchup, but there was something special about sitting at the table together, just enjoying each other's company.

"Next year I'll get KFC like everyone else," Takeo grinned.

Lily wagged her finger at him in fake consternation, "Make sure you do! Or at least buy plenty of ketchup."

And so he did. Every year on the emperor's birthday (because he could never seem to get Christmas Day off) they'd sit at the table, surrounded by their ever-growing hoard of Christmas decorations, and celebrate a holiday they never knew they needed.

 ***** Christmas died for Takeo the same day his daughter did. He couldn't bring himself to celebrate it that year. The tree remained locked in its cardboard box, the chains and baubles and lights all stowed away in dark corners of the house where he couldn't accidentally see them. The next year was the same, and the one after that. He spent so many years in darkness, just going through the motions of daily life like a zombie. He'd failed Lily, completely. His only child, his wife's final gift to the world, and he'd squandered her life with his television obsession. Sometimes he thought he deserved to die, other times he decided that dying wasn't punishment enough - that only through living in misery could he hope to atone for his sins.

But the little kiss she planted on his cheek that first Christmas, the twinkle in her eyes… those memories still swirled within him, like a candle refusing to be blown out. And so somehow, despite the pain, despite everything that had happened, he found himself putting out the decorations again.

It was strange, that girl in Franchouchou, Number 6… he didn't understand how she could look so much like Lily. He knew she _wasn't_ Lily, she _couldn't_ be, but her song awakened something deep within him. All the pain, all the joy… all the feelings he'd sealed away to protect himself came gushing forth the night she sang that song. He'd cried so much at the concert, and even more when he got home. The next morning, for the first time in a long time, he'd opened the door to his late daughter's bedroom. The silence was so thick he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He breathed in, breathed out, tried to relax himself. The scent of years of built up dust crept into his nostrils. He ignored it. In his mind he imagined the room still smelled fresh and sweet, like it did when she was alive. He wiped his brow, then, as if she were there listening, said:

"Wherever you are, sweetheart, I hope you're happy. I love you."

She'd be nineteen now. He tried not to think too much about that as he switched on the tree lights. This year he'd made sure to put on all her favourite decorations. All the cute animals and smiling Santas and snowmen. He hadn't reserved KFC - that'd be too much, far too lonely, but he'd pulled out a DVD of that Christmas movie, The Santa Clause, to watch on the night.

_She'd want me to be happy too._

Even if it was true, it didn't make living without her any easier.

_What I'd give for just one more Christmas with her. One more moment, just to say I'm sorry… just to say how much I love her._

He rubbed his eyes and returned to the thick curtains covering the window. He pulled them back just a little and peeped out at the darkness. Clouds of snow billowed through the air outside. The little back street his house sat on was slowly getting buried, inch by inch. He'd never seen so much snow.

_At this rate, I won't be going to work tomorrow._

Takeo closed the curtains once again and sat down on the couch. The cool glow of the TV washed over him as some romantic drama played on the screen. As he picked up his mug of cocoa, still steaming hot on the coffee table in front of him, the program was abruptly interrupted by a commercial for Drive-in Tori.

He stared at the dancing idols, mesmerised, his mug hovering inches from his lips. Then he closed his eyes and downed a mouthful of the sweet, chocolatey mixture. By the time he was done the commercial had ended, replaced by an ad for an 'anti-viral' air purifier. He felt a weight in the pit of his stomach.

_One day at a time. One day at a time…_

* * *

In the Franchouchou house in Karatsu, Lily watched the snowstorm rage outside. The lights of their little Christmas tree twinkled in the window's dusty glass, a rainbow of stars behind her own faint reflection. This was her first Christmas without her pappy. Well, the first she'd been alive for, anyway.

"I wonder if he's lonely…" she whispered into the windowpane, steaming it up.

Imagining him alone in their house made her chest ache. Her past life was only yesterday to her, but for him it'd been almost seven years.

_I hope my song helped him…_

It had certainly helped _her_. Seeing his face, singing her feelings directly to him - even though he could never know who she _really_ was, in that moment it was almost like he _did_ know, like they'd shared something special. For a while that was all she'd needed. She had Franchouchou now, and she was never _ever_ going to grow up. She could be Hoshikawa Lily forever. That old world, her old life, none of that mattered anymore. As long as she kept looking forward, she'd never have anything to worry about ever again!

…or so she told herself. Lily turned her back to the white noise outside. The other members of Franchouchou slept on the floor in their futons. Most of them still had friends and family out there, people who missed them, people who remembered them. She knew she had to move on. That's what the song was for, and Pappy came and listened to it. She did what she needed to. She did everything she _could_ do.

But it wasn't enough. She wanted him to _know_. She wanted him to know that she still thought of him, that she was okay. She didn't mind being 'Number 6' for everyone else, but for him… for him she wanted to sing as _herself_ , as Hoshikawa Lily. She wanted to be his daughter again.

Under her breath she said, "We're meant to be _together_ at Christmas…"

Something rustled in the darkness. Then a gruff voice grumbled, "Shrimpy? Why are you awake at this time of night?"

Lily grimaced. She didn't think anyone else would be up.

The voice came again, "Shrimpy?"

"Will you _ever_ stop calling me that?"

Saki chuckled, "I dunno, will your reaction ever stop being so funny?"

"It's a terrible nickname and you should feel terrible for calling me it."

"Whatever you say, Shrimpy. Now are ya gonna answer my question?"

Saki's eyes glinted red in the shadowy room. Lily averted her gaze to the warm glow of the Christmas tree, "I'm fine, honestly. I just… couldn't sleep. It happens sometimes."

"Never figured you as being an insomniac."

"I have a lot of energy."

Saki scratched her armpit, "Hah! I know that feel."

"No, not like _you_. My energy is cuter."

"Yeah, yeah."

Lily turned to stare out of the window again. The front yard was completely covered in white. Everything was white as far as the eye could see - not that you could see very far in the storm. On a day like this, back when she was alive, she probably would've made snowmen with Pappy.

_Pappy…_

She heard a creak in the floorboards. Then Saki spoke again, her voice directly behind Lily's head, "I know you're bullshittin' me Shrimpy."

Lily kept watching the snow, "I _told_ you, I just can't _sleep_."

"And I'm the queen of England."

"Why are you always like this?"

"Like what? Concerned for my friend?"

Lily closed her eyes, "Saki-chan, please…"

An arm wrapped itself round her small shoulders, "Just spill it already. I'm listenin'."

Lily sighed, "Alright, but you better not make some dumb joke."

Saki grinned, "No promises."

"I'm serious!"

"Alright, alright! Jeez, you're wound up tight tonight, aren't ya?"

Lily had never felt so exasperated. "Saki-chan," she began, giving the other girl the nastiest glare she could muster, "I am _not_ in the mood for your-"

"Whoa! Now that's a look I haven't seen on your pretty little face before. Didja learn that from me? It suits you!"

That was the last straw. Turning her back on her irritating groupmate, Lily stormed out of the bedroom without saying another word.

Unfortunately, Saki followed.

"Oi, Shrimpy! Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't realise you were like, _actually_ upset."

Lily ignored her.

"Shrimpy, come on, I'm sorry! What's up? I swear I'll listen this time."

Lily opened a door to one of the back rooms and walked in. It had a sofa, some cushions, and a whole lot of cardboard boxes.

Saki flipped the light switch on, "Shrimpy-"

" _Stop_ calling me Shrimpy, already!"

"Fine, _Lily_ , what the fuck is going on? You wake up in the night and suddenly you're flying off the handle at the smallest fucking thing?"

Lily sat down on the chair and clutched one of the pillows to her chest, "It's-"

"It's Sakura, right? Look, I know she'll get it together before Arpino. She's just overexcited."

"Well, I _am_ worried about Sakura, but it's not that. It's-"

"I get it now, you need me to beat someone up! Whoever's threatening you, you best believe I'll be treating 'em to a knuckle sandwich."

"Are you gonna let me answer?"

Saki just stared at Lily open-mouthed, "Oh uh, yeah. Sure. Go ahead."

With a little sigh the young zombie finally explained what was bothering her, "It's my pappy."

"Oh, the big dude!"

"Yeah."

"Something happen to him? Don't tell me he actually _is_ a yak!?"

"No! No…it's…we always used to spend Christmas together. This'll be the first one I spend without him."

"Ahhhh right, right," Saki nodded, "Now I get it. You're missing him."

Lily squished her chin into the pillow, "Mmm."

"That sucks."

_Well, duh._

Saki continued, "He's probably missing you too."

"Saki-chan, you're making it worse."

She rested her hands on her hips, "I'm just sayin', like, what's the point in sitting around feeling like shit?"

Lily kicked her legs back and forth, "I know, but I can't _help_ it. There's nothing I can _do_."

Saki sat down next to her, "You're not hearing me, Shrimpy. I'm _saying_ … why not go pay your old man a visit?"

Lily froze up in shock, "What!? No, I… that's, we're not allowed to do that!"

"You seriously care what some dude who wears sunglasses indoors thinks?"

"No but, Saki-chan-"

"No but _nothing_. You can't tell me you haven't thought about it."

Lily squeezed the pillow, "He wouldn't wanna see me anyway. Not like this."

Saki patted her head, "That's what makeup's for! Ain't you supposed to be the uh, what is it? Shining star of Franchouchou? How's that shit you say go again?"

"There's a thing I say?"

"Yeah like, you know, your catchphrase."

"I think I'd know if I had a catchphrase."

"Now you're just fuckin' with me."

"I'm being serious, Saki-chan. I don't have a catchphrase."

Saki tutted, "Well whatever, the point is you should believe in yourself."

"Thanks for the pep talk," Lily said in a bored monotone, "I feel better already."

"Ain't _my_ fault you can't remember your own damn catchphrase!"

Lily rolled her eyes, "You're totally useless."

"Do you want my help or not? Cos if you keep insulting me I'm gonna walk the fuck back into that bedroom and go to sleep."

"I never asked for your help."

"But you need it and you know it."

Lily stared up at the cobwebbed ceiling, "It's not possible, Saki-chan."

Saki stood up and leaned over her, "Only cos you decided it isn't. You wanna be with him for Christmas Day, right?"

"No, we actually celebrate it on the emperor's birthday. It's the only day he gets off work this time of year."

"Well there you are, then. We'll pay pops a visit on old what's-his-name's special day, whenever that is."

"The 23rd of December."

Saki held her chin, "So like, two weeks from now?"

"See what I mean? With the concert and everything else... there's just no way it'll work."

"He lives in Saga City, right? Where we did your song?"

"Yeah, but-"

"I can bike it," Saki started pacing the room, grinning from ear to ear, "it's been too long since I biked that route."

Lily turned around and peered over the back of the sofa, "We haven't got a bike."

"Pfft! Nothing a bit of hotwiring can't solve."

"Saki-chan-"

"You still remember his address?"

"Saki-chan, that's not the problem."

She stopped pacing, "Then what _is_ the problem?"

"I'm _dead_ , in case you haven't noticed!"

Saki smirked, "Now you're starting to sound like Junko."

"If he sees me like this he'll hate me."

"Fuck off. That man clearly still loves the shit out of you."

"But-"

"You say 'but' one more time I'm gonna kick yours straight out that door and make you _walk_ to his house."

Lily pouted, "I hate you so much, Saki-chan! You have no delicacy at all!"

"Damn right I don't," she came closer and squished Lily's head against her bosom, "but that doesn't mean I don't care about ya. Sometimes you just gotta go for it, alright? You gotta just do it, fuck the consequences."

Lily wrapped her arms around Saki's back, "I just miss him so much…"

"I know."

"Do you really think we can do it?"

Saki patted the back of Lily's head, "We'll do it, Shrimpy. That or we'll die trying."

Lily groaned, "Ha ha…"

* * *

And so, unbeknownst to the other members of Franchouchou, Lily and Saki planned out their scheme to get Lily over to her family home for Christmas (well, the emperor's birthday). They didn't have long to prepare, as their 'mysterious idol producer' kept them busy. During their down-time from practice he had them tour around various department stores in the prefecture, hanging out with fake Santa after fake Santa after fake Santa. Lily knew Santa wasn't real, but she had to be careful with what she said around Junko.

"If she asks, just say the fake Santa is a volunteer helping out the real Santa while he's busy," Ai whispered into Lily's ear as a particularly grumpy Santa busted out a can of Kirin beer on his lunch break.

"Got it."

After they'd finished their mandated Santa's Little Idols duty, Lily snuck off to buy the other girls Christmas presents. She managed to tease some money out of Tatsumi after shooting him the cutest puppy dog eyes she could muster.

"Tch! Alright, I guess it _is_ the season, but don't blame me when we can't afford to buy our groceries," he'd grumbled, handing her a generous amount of money from his wallet.

Saki overheard him, "No big deal, Shades. If we run out of food we could always eat _you_! I hear brains are real popular with zombies nowadays."

"Shh!" he hissed, "Are you _insane_!?"

Saki _was_ insane, but she was also kind (when she actually tried to be), so Lily made sure to get her something nice.

"I don't know if a tamagotchi is a wonderful idea or a terrible idea, but it's done now."

With everything bought and all the fake Santas visited, Lily couldn't wait to get home and actually wrap all the gifts. Especially one particular gift.

_I hope Pappy likes it._

She knew she wouldn't be getting anything from him this Christmas, but she just couldn't bring herself to visit him empty handed.

_I'll make sure to wrap it extra cutely._

The two weeks before the emperor's birthday flew by in a haze of rehearsals and stressful nights. What with Sakura's memory loss, the chaos before Arpino and the against-all-odds success on the night, it had been an absolute rollercoaster of a month. They were _all_ relieved to have their friend back to her old self. On the 22nd, the day after the Arpino show, everyone took the time to just relax and de-stress. But for Lily the rollercoaster was nowhere near over. Tomorrow she was seeing her father - not as 'Number 6', but as herself, his daughter: Hoshikawa Lily.

It almost didn't feel real. She knew in her mind that she'd be seeing him tomorrow, but in her heart it still felt like a dream, an impossible fantasy. Nonetheless she'd been rehearsing her lines each night, playing them over and over in her head, imagining his expression, imagining the house. It probably looked a lot different to how she remembered it.

_I wonder if he put the decorations up this year._

She didn't get her hopes up, but at the same time she couldn't help but see the twinkling of Christmas lights on the roof of her house as she pictured him there in front of her, standing in the snow, a man-mountain.

'It's me, Pappy, the real me,' that's what she'd say, 'I died, but now I'm back'. She was just gonna come out with it. For better or worse she was just gonna come out with it and if he hated her, if he couldn't stand the sight of her, then she'd just have to accept it.

A single tear rolled down her small cheek.

_Please don't hate me, Pappy._

The next morning at the crack of dawn, so early that some of the zombies had just gone to bed, Saki and Lily stood out front, knee-deep in snow.

"He's not gonna hate ya, stupid," Saki insisted.

Lily pulled on a pair of colourful wool gloves, "I know…"

"No you don't. You're just sayin' you do."

She was right. Lily couldn't flush the worry from her heart, no matter how hard she tried. She never worried, not like this, but this was too important, it needed to go right. She ran through the scenario over and over in her mind, holding on tightly to the small Christmas present stowed carefully in her coat pocket.

_Pappy…_

Saki cracked her knuckles, "Now we gotta find a bike."

They wandered down the road, past the little old-fashioned houses and even more old-fashioned cars buried under the snowfall, till they arrived at the 'CARROT fresh foods supermarket'. The parking lot was almost completely empty but for a couple of minivans and, somehow, a single blue motorbike.

"Jackpot," Saki grinned, "There's always one idiot who tries it."

"Tries what?" Lily asked as they trudged over to their target.

"No one checks these places overnight. Not round here anyway. See, you don't always get free parking when you live in an apartment, so you dump your ride off outside a supermarket or somewhere like that overnight instead. No one checks, next morning you turn up bright and early to ride it off to wherever and badda boom badda bing free parking for life."

"Did _you_ used to do that?"

"Fuck no!" Saki spat, "I've got more respect for my bike than that. That beauty never left my sight. Hot pink, baby, emphasis on the _hot_. My bike didn't need to be _hidden_."

They reached the bike. Saki aggressively shoved the snow off of it, "This hunk of crap probably deserves its fate, though."

Lily frowned, "I dunno, I think it looks kinda cute."

"Cute don't cut it, Shrimpy. You want a _powerful_ bike. Sexy. Not cute."

"Stop! You're making it sound all gross. I don't wanna have _sex_ with it for crying out loud!"

Saki winked, "Wait till you're older."

"I'm not getting older. I'm twelve forever now."

"You know what I mean."

Saki worked her magic and within a few minutes the bike was growling away. She hopped on and gave the seat a firm slap.

"Alright Shrimpy, she's good to go!"

Lily reluctantly climbed on behind her, "You better not call me Shrimpy in front of Pappy."

"I ain't gonna be callin' you nothing in front of your old man. Once I've dropped you off I'll be going for a ride."

"But won't the police be looking for you? I mean this is stealing, right?"

"Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last. If you don't live dangerously you ain't living at all."

"Well we _aren't_ living at all."

"That's besides the point," she revved the bike, "anyway, let's go, before the others notice we're missing."

"They're gonna notice anywAAAAHHH!"

They shot off into the dawn, down the empty roads and sleeping shops, past East Karatsu Train Station, over the river and down through the back streets till they hit a road that seemed to stretch on into forever.

"Yeah, baby!" Saki roared, "Now we're talkin!"

"SLOW DOWN!"

"No fucking way! We're going full throttle onto the 203!"

They zoomed out of Karatsu City. Within a few minutes all they could see were trees and fields, with only a few snow-drowned houses in-between.

"Man this takes me back," Saki sighed, "it looks just like it always did. This is the LIFE!"

"IF YOU DON'T SLOW DOWN I'M GONNA SCREAM!"

"Alright, alright! I'll slow down!"

The bike eased up to a more comfortable, but still extremely fast, pace. In the distance the stars lit up the sky in a sheet of twinkling white, outlining the silhouettes of the mountains on the horizon. Out of nowhere a single car zipped by them in the blink of an eye, making Lily flinch.

"You know," Saki said, "back in the day, when I had all of Kyushu under my thumb, I used to ride this route all the time."

Lily pressed her face into Saki's back, eyes closed, trying not to think about the fact that the only thing between her and a horrific road accident was the driving skill of the maniac in front of her.

Saki continued, "The only route I rode more was the 202. That's the one with Drive-in Tori on it. Good times."

Lily heard an enormous truck rumble past them.

"That reminds me Shrimpy, we're gonna need a place to meet up when you're done. Somewhere you can walk to."

"Well there's a Lawson near my house!" Lily yelled over the engine's roar.

"Perfect! Go read some magazines in there or something when you're done. How long do you think you'll be, anyway?"

"I… don't know. I suppose the whole day, but…"

"Suits me!"

"But Tatsumi will definitely be suspicious!"

"Let me handle Shades! You just chill with your dad!"

And so they rode on, blasting through the darkness of the early morning till finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Saki began to _truly_ slow down.

"Okay, well this is Saga City. Recognise any of this?"

Lily opened her eyes, trying her best to ignore the sweat clinging to her frigid body. She was greeted by a row of generic houses and what looked like a construction site.

"No…"

"Great."

"Well, Pappy drove me everywhere! Why would I memorise what some random houses looked like!"

"It's fine, I'll just stay on the 203 and see where we get."

The 203 prefectural highway took them past a pharmacy, an elementary school and countless houses. Then they happened upon a shopping complex.

"Wait!" Lily called out, "Is that the Aeon BIG Supermarket!?"

The supermarket immediately disappeared behind them. Saki glanced over her shoulder, "Seemed like it. Why, you live near here?"

"No, but we used to come here a lot."

"Nice, so we're in the right area."

"I think so."

"Any landmarks near your house?"

"Uhh, I think there's a Mos Burger not far away from my street."

"There are probably a million of those fuckers in the city. Don't you have anything else?"

Suddenly the houses around them fell away to reveal a vast, open plain, pure white as far as the eye can see. Only the grey tarmac of the road interrupted it, a dark line cutting the entire field in two. Overhead, white streetlights glared down from the black sky, stretching on and on into the mountains. Before they knew it they were riding over a bridge.

Lily gasped, "I know this river!"

"The Kase River? You lived near it?"

"Not exactly…"

They crossed the bridge and now the houses fell back in line again, walling up the road. They passed by a Lawson convenience store, then suddenly on the right side the wall of houses gave way to a wall of trees.

Lily squeezed tightly against Saki as they picked up speed.

"If you keep going this fast I won't be able to tell where we are!"

"In this darkness we're not gonna know where the fuck we are anyway."

"But I know we're close! I _know_ that river. Pappy used to take me to the park all the time, the park near the river."

"Hang the fuck on, we just passed the park."

"We did!?"

Saki yanked on the brakes and screamed them to a stop outside a Nissan car dealership. When they finally stopped moving Lily whacked Saki on the back as hard as she could.

"Saki-chan you IDIOT! You almost killed us...again!"

"Ow! What the fuck, Shrimpy? I'm not some salaryman, you know? I can ride a bike for god's sake."

Lily crossed her arms, "You could have at least warned me."

Saki sighed, "Enough with the whining. Is this the spot?"

Lily looked around at all the sleeping cars. Further down the road a drunken couple wandered out of a twenty-four hour Family Mart and started french kissing against a telephone pole.

"No."

"Fuck."

"Sorry…"

Saki scratched the back of her head, "It's fine. I figured it wouldn't be easy. Is there really nothing else near your house that could help us out though? No big landmarks? Nothing?"

"Well… we do live near a hospital."

Saki stared at Lily, "Excuse me?"

Lily played with her hands, "It's not a _real_ hospital. They call it a rehabilitation hospital."

"The one near the middle school?"

"You know it!?"

Saki facepalmed and shook her head, "You shoulda told me that from the start, you idiot! Of _course_ I know it! We fought those assholes all the time back in the day. How could I _not_ know the school?"

"How was I supposed to know that! It's a tiny hospital!"

"It's a big school. Anyway, hold on tight. Now I know where we're going, there's no need to hold back."

"Saki-chan, wait, you don't have to-"

But it was too late. Before Lily could finish her sentence they were off, tearing through the snow like a jet-powered chainsaw, the bike's engine roaring in her ears as the wind threatened to tear the star out of her bright blue hair.

"SAKI-CHAN I'M GONNA KILL YOUUUUU!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

About ten minutes later they pulled up in the quiet little back street hidden behind the hospital. Now they drove slowly, quietly. Lily's chest felt tight.

"That's it," she whispered shakily into Saki's shoulder, "it's literally, it's… it's right there. That's the house."

Saki stopped the bike and killed the engine.

"Alright Shrimpy," she said softly, looking over her shoulder, "you want me to wait here while you knock?"

Lily swallowed air, her mouth suddenly dry, "Maybe that'd be good."

"It's gonna be fine, okay? He's your dad. He loves you."

Her hands were shaking now, "Do you think _your_ dad would love you? Even if he knew you were a zombie?"

"No," Saki replied immediately, "But my dad sucks. Your dad's different."

Lily hopped off the bike and landed knee-deep in snow, "I don't know why I'm so nervous."

Saki joined her, "Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

Lily felt like she was walking underwater. The house shone like a beacon in the dark and sleepy morning, the warm glow of Christmas leaking out from behind the thick curtains, spilling into the road. Her heart was pumping _so_ hard.

_Please stay in my chest, please stay in my chest, please stay in my-_

They were at the door. The light was on. The _light_ was on.

_He's_ _**awake** _ _!? At this time of the morning!?_

She pinched herself.

"Ow!"

Saki gave her an incredulous look, "What are you doing, Shrimpy?"

Lily glared at her, "Don't call me Shrimpy?"

She heard movement from inside. You could always hear Pappy moving about. They used to joke that he stomped like an elephant.

"Oh no oh no!" Lily cried, "You've gotta go!"

"You sure?"

"Go! Go now!"

Saki didn't need to be told a third time. She dashed away and hid behind the bike. Lily stood at the door, trembling from head to toe.

_I can't tell him. If I tell him-_

The door opened. Lily felt her soul drain from her body as she looked up to see the face of her father, his brow creased in confusion.

"You're… that girl, from Franchouchou."

She had to say something. It was now or never. She had to say.

"No."

Now he looked more confused.

"No, Pappy, it's… I'm… I…" her knees were shaking, "it's me… Lily… I died but…"

He shook his head, "No, that's… that's not…" a choked noise escaped his half-closed mouth, "that's not possible, that's-"

Tears filled her eyes, "It _is_ , Pappy. I'm sorry. I died. I'm… I'm still dead but…"

He lifted his hands to his face, his expression a mixture of pain and raw shock, "That's not something to joke about, young lady."

Lily couldn't hold back her sobs, "It's not a joke."

"But you can't be! You just _can't_ -"

She ran over and wrapped her arms around him, "It's _me_ Pappy! It was always me! I _am_ the girl at Franchouchou! I'm not lying, I swear! Please believe me, Pappy, please…"

He remained silent. She continued, "I'm a zombie. Undead. I understand if you hate me. But I had to tell you. I couldn't… I didn't wanna spend Christmas without you, Pappy. I couldn't take it. I'm sorry."

Huge arms gently wrapped themselves around her tiny body, "Are you really here? I'm not dreaming, am I?"

She shook her head, rubbing her nose against the fabric of his shirt, "No, you're not dreaming."

He released her and crouched down so that they were face to face. His cheeks glistened with tears, "The night you died, I saw your… I saw…" he turned his head away, biting his lip, "How can you be back?"

Lily kissed his forehead, "I don't know, Pappy. But I know that I'm here now, and I love you. I love you so much."

He pulled her against him, breathing heavily, "Oh Lily. I'm so sorry, for _everything_. I was a terrible father."

"No you weren't."

"It's my fault you died."

"Stop," Lily sobbed, "Stop that."

He rubbed her back, "I…I put the Christmas decorations out this year. I don't know why. That girl's song… _your_ song… it reminded me how much fun we had together. It brought me out of the darkness."

Lily smiled, "I was so happy when you came to the concert."

"I'm glad I went. I almost didn't."

"You big dummy."

He laughed, just a little. How long had it been since she heard him laugh?

"I love you so much, Pappy."

"I love you too, Lily. I love you."

For the longest time they just stood there in the snow, wrapped in each other's arms in the twilight. She'd almost forgotten how warm his hugs were, how soft they were. She'd almost forgotten how good it was to be with him.

Eventually he broke the silence.

"Do you want to come inside?"

Lily nodded, "More than anything else in the world."

She took his hand, and together they walked into their family home, father and daughter, reunited once again.


End file.
